Single mothers now they make up more than 12 per cent of the nation’s families.
A growing number are solo mums by choice, like Claire Steinke, who decided to have children on her own after being diagnosed with cancer at 29.
But 20 years after welcoming her first, there’s still a lack of transparency around assisted reproductive technology (ART) options and the lived experience of solo motherhood.
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“I always found it so secretive,” Steinke told 9news.com.au.
“There are so many options, so many different treatments … different procedures, different tests, all those sorts of things, but I feel like it’s not openly shared.”
And she’s concern it could be holding some women back.
Solo motherhood on the rise
There were were almost 1 million single mother families in Australia in June 2024 according to the ABS, up from 864,000 in 2021.
It’s unclear how many are solo mums by choice.
ART has become more accessible to single women and they’re one of the largest groups of recipient parents at clinics across the country.
More than 700 single women underwent IVF in Victoria in 2022 alone.
Australians are also marrying less and later – the marriage rate is down and the average age of an Aussie bride has risen from 21 in 1975 to 30 in 2023 – prompting some women to embark on motherhood before marriage.
Being a single mum has become more socially acceptable, making space for women who want to have kids without any intention of ever ‘settling down’.
And some women, like Stienke, find that solo motherhood may be their only choice.
‘My biggest fear was not being able to have children’
Steinke was diagnosed with endometrial cancer when she was 29 and single.
She’d gone to her GP suspecting ovarian cysts but a laparoscopy revealed cancer in her uterus.
“My biggest fear was that I wouldn’t be able to have children,” Steinke said.
“Having that diagnosis in particular, right the place where you have your babies, it was my biggest fear coming true.”
Initially, doctors suggested a hysterectomy but Steinke opted for nine months of hormone therapy instead, hoping to preserve her fertility.
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Giving up her dream of being a mum was not an option so during cancer treatment, she researched her options to have a child solo.
Unwilling to date solely to find a father for potential children, she pursued intrauterine insemination (IUI), a procedure in which donor sperm is placed directly into the uterus around the time of ovulation in the hopes of a pregnancy.
Doctors warned she had less than 20 per cent chance of getting pregnant but she started trying as soon as treatment ended.
Steinke fell pregnant on her third round of IUI and welcomed her son prematurely just 26 weeks later.
He spent the first weeks of his life in the NICU and Steinke broke down a few weeks into it.
The realities of going it alone
Steinke admits her pregnancy was often lonely and it was hard not having someone to share it with, especially when her son was in NICU.
“All of that emotion had caught up with me after 18 months of stress from a cancer diagnosis, cancer treatment, fertility treatment, horrible pregnancy, and a premature baby,” Steinke said.
“I’d been holding all this emotion in and just putting one foot in front of the other to keep going, and it just hit me.”
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But she wouldn’t change her decision to have a child solo.
In fact, she did it again five years later and welcomed a daughter through IUI.
Her children have brought her so much joy and she can’t imagine her life without them.
But solo motherhood is not without its challenges, though data on their specific experiences are limited.
A Council of Single Mothers and their Children (CSMC) survey found that 87 per cent of single mothers are concerned about their long-term financial circumstances.
Housing prices and insecurity are significant challenges and respondents experienced homelessness and marginal housing at almost four times the national average.
The latest annual Household, Income and Labour Dynamics in Australia (HILDA) survey also revealed that poor mental health among single mothers has risen from 22 per cent in 2011 to 38 per cent in 2022, compared to 18 per cent for partnered mothers in 2022.
“Sometimes it would be really good to sit down and talk to someone who’s got the same level of vested interest as you do and make a joint [parenting] decision, but I had to do those things on my own,” she said.
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Making solo motherhood more accessible
Becoming a solo mum has changed a lot since Steinke had her kids, who are now 20 and 15.
ART is more accessible for single women, society has become more accepting of solo motherhood, and online communities have helped solo mums connect.
Events like the upcoming Melbourne Fertility Expo even include speakers like Alisha Burns of the Solo Mum Society, who will speak to why more women are choosing solo motherhood.
And Steinke herself shares her story with other women through her maternity and breastfeeding business, Soul Mothers.
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But there are still barriers she said need addressing.
Single women deserve more comprehensive information about ART, including IUI, as well as opportunities to speak honestly about their lived experiences without fear of backlash or discrimination.
”It’s not someone else’s decision to make, some pen pusher in an office saying, ‘no, just because you’re a single you can’t have it,’ or some religious person going, ‘it’s not what god wanted,'” she said.
“I would have been gutted to not be able to have children.”
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